Uncertainty awakes with the rooster crows and the early morning wall pounding and polonesian calls. It rushes through the subtropical rain forest, along eroding fluted mountain ridges; scuffing up the red dirt and racing like adrenaline through my veins, like wind and waves. Like learning to love again. The art and the tourism are merely surface follies while all eyes are drinking in every sight and every sound. Our arms are always sore from porcine gambling, our stomachs from laughing, our hearts from yearning. Each day is filled with another person; other people. The tears aren't all sad, and hands are held as a way of guidance. Learning from each other how to learn from someone so much more important. Blessed emotions and feelings of direction: our themes are forgiveness, purpose, and surrender. It is more clear than it's ever been, but still so difficult. Especially when nothing is ever dry and the bug bites constantly itch us to sleep. Your eyes are searching and our words beat around the bush though it's so clear what needs to be said. We claim peace but that is nothing like the battlefield inside our minds and our hearts. There is nothing bittersweet about the joy and companionship that will be the guide through the next steps. All is not lost; the melancholy will give way to unbelievable freedom and the ability to step forward. Who knows if what I've given up will wait for me. Learn to look towards the greater goals; only return once you've achieved the things that will make you worthy of what you left behind.